Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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