i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
