im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
cat food counts as protein by the way
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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