got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
