Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
