"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
