Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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