He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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