I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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