His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
