Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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