he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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