Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
