we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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