wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
