can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
