I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
