I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
