My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
