You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
