I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
