Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
