I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
