just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am available for nakedness
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
