Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
