Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
