He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
