I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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