she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
