How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
