I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
