Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
