just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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