she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
