I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
