So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
