My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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