New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
