Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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