you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
