I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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