Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
