if you like me you must not know who I am
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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