Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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