im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
