Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
