I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
