What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize