What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
