guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
